You want the truth?

Maybe I should channel this rage

I am not sure I can handle the truth.  Yesterday was testing day and the truth is that a 35lbs box squat and 8 pull ups with the blue band is not going to 'git r done' and the road is much longer than I expected.  As I was "resting" on the box at the bottom of my first set of 5 squats I had an epiphany.   I don`t have an mental edge, you know that aggressive, zone out everything around you, angry, competitive, I am going to kick your ass, lift it at all costs edge. Ya that one...I don't got it. 

A good example of how I know this is that on my bedside table sits "The Friday Night Knitting Club" and "LA Candy" by Lauren Conrad and on W's side is "Starting Strength" and "The Westside Barbell Method of Training" by Louie Simmons. W has the edge...just look what he reads for fun.

Its hard not to compare my self to what Simmons says about the psychological aspect of training.  He says that "A high degree of performance depends on the motivation to reach certain goals (my husband suggests that maybe I need to decide if I really want it), aggression ( I giggle when things get heavy or tough), concentration (my mind wanders to what needs to be done the rest of the day), focus (how can I be focusing on staying tight in my core, if I am driving through my heels, while driving my butt up all the while keeping my eyes on the wall) , the ability to tolerate pain and cope with anxiety or stress (my shoulders are always tight and my legs just don't go that far), the development of a winning attitude (I battle the negative self talk in my own head), and the ability to manage distractions and relax (my two month old is wailing away in his cuddle seat beside the platform and my 2 year old is across the gym getting knocked out by a bar holding 100lbs).

Without that psychological aspect I might be screwed.  So how do I get it? What do I need to do to get "there".  Jim Stee,l head Strength and Conditioning Coordinator at the University of Pennsylvania, tells a funny story about one of his work out buddies. Chris had some psych-up techniques that were really off the wall. One of these involved finding someone in the gym and secretly getting pissed off at them for no reason. He’d be getting ready to squat and say, “I hate that guy at the counter!” and I’d say, “What guy?” And he’d say, “Why is he looking at me?” I’d look over, see a few guys at the gym counter having a conversation and say, “Chris,nobody is even looking over here!” He would say, “Yes he is Jim, yes he is!” And then I would realize what he was doing, and I’d join in, “Yeah, man, I see him!” I’d say “He’s saying, I own you, man! He says he’s stronger than you!!!” And the one that would get Chris fired up the most, “He’s laughing at you!” That would make him nuts, and he would be ready to do his set. Super intense. 

My next purchase on my Kobo



What will be my psych-up technique? Should I get a hate on for someone at the gym? Will "2 Unlimited" be the right music to workout to? or maybe its my workout mate, I am starting to wonder if much like having another women be your sister wife that having your husband be your coach is not really all that ideal. Regardless of what I find out works for me I know this is not just going to be about being able to thrust 65lbs an absurd amount of times. The truth is that this is also going to be about believing in myself enough,  finding a place in my own head that allows me to think that way and getting jacked up enough to actually do it. Can I handle that truth? 

Maybe this is more my style?