Best of times, Worst of times

Optimistic, defeated, elated, confused, angry, proud, stupid, empowered, giddy, frustrated.  Those are just some of the emotions that I feel during an hour long workout lately.  Lets be honest I feel like an angst ridden teen on Dawson's Creek.  This emotional roller coaster is reminiscent of the two tumultuous years when I taught junior high.  Similar to the students in my block two Science 8 class I sky rocket up and quickly drop back down in just over a 40 minute period.  Its almost like Crossfit and I are in a unhealthily emotionally dramatic relationship.  I love it! I hate it! 

The confusion and frustration come mostly from feeling silly and stupid when I don't know how to hold the weight or how to position my body properly during a lift. I feel rage and defeat when the workout has to be modified because I still can't do a specific type of exercise.  On the other hand the optimism, elation and pride along with the other warm and fuzzy positive feelings come when I notice how much stronger I am both physically and mentally. 

A bit of drama is good.  It keeps us on our toes.  Lets be  really honest most people thrive on drama, and I am no exception (just ask my man).   If people didn't like the drama in their lives TMZ would not be a top rated show and someone like Susan Lucci would not have such a long and successful career. 

So if you know you are in one of these emotionally charged up then down relationships how should you rid your life of it.  I took my type A personality and hit the web to search for advice.  Pathways to happiness and its "experts" suggested that I :

 -stop the emotional reactions (its pretty hard not to use nasty language when you are on your 100th push up)
-change my core beliefs (I just can't do Paleo....)
-quiet the voice in my head (Try plural VOICES....don't ask)

-develop communication and respect in your relationship (Fear and respect aren't the same thing and trust me I 'talk' to my workouts quite a bit-see first bullet)

If it were that easy it wouldn't have taken Joey 128 episodes and 6 seasons to figure out if she loved Pacey or Dawson, Science 8 would have been a lot more about simple machines and less about who was hating who that day and Susan Lucci 's soap opera character would have only had 1 husband not 7. 

Something to work on right?! 

Inspiration

Don't have to look very far for some inspiration today.  The ladies of Crossfit Red Deer showed up and rose up.  Two of Ignite's finest Crossfit Mommas, Special K and Fancy Nancy, brought the gym down with their heroic effort during their third open WOD this morning.  Both gals gutted it out and were able to meet their goals for 5 minutes of as many 110lbs clean and jerks.  The men represented well too but there is nothing like watching a fellow mom push the equivalent to the winner of America's next top model over her head. Today is a good day to be part of such a fantastic community.   

Body Beatdown

That is the only way that I can describe what I have been through this last week.  Since completing my 95lbs deadlift goal and struggling through testing, I have continued with my "game plan" and have been to the gym way more than I ever thought I would.  I have started to slowly check off Level One Skills in the back of my WOD book including rowing both 500m in 2min 15sec and 2000m in 9min22sec, I also did my static hang for 30 sec.  And although I have had to modify all the workouts still I have been working hard to complete them as best as possible.  The WODs have included exercises like push presses, box jumps, wall balls and push ups.  I have also been staying on track with my strength training and I am now up to 45 lbs squat and bench as well as a 105 lbs deadlift.  My body is achy and sore all over but W keeps saying that "you don't get stronger from lifting heavy weights you get stronger by recovering from lifting heavy weights".  If that is true by the time I feel better I will be the freakn' hulk. 

Jonesing for junk

A shout out to Big L at Ignite Fitness for baking and then sharing his paleo cookie with me this morning....it was....different...but because I was so hard up for junk food, I did what all good cookie lovers do I powered through and ate the whole thing. And I thought I didn't have determination and focus...

Inspiration

This girl rocks.

The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.
- Nelson Mandela

Finally a plan...let's get going

Two day plan (Wednesday and Saturday).  I will try and add 10 lbs to the lower body exercises each time and 5 lbs to the upper body.  The goal is to reach Rippetoe's Novice strength standard. 

Start	Day One	Goal	Start	Day Two	Goal
35lbs	Squat	121lbs	35 lbs	Squats	121lbs
35lbs	Overhead Press	60lbs	45lbs	Bench Press	90lbs
95lbs	Deadlift	151lbs	95lbs	Deadlift	151lbs
Blue band	Pullups	Green Band	Bench	Dips	Body weight
	Core			Core

You want the truth?

Maybe I should channel this rage

I am not sure I can handle the truth.  Yesterday was testing day and the truth is that a 35lbs box squat and 8 pull ups with the blue band is not going to 'git r done' and the road is much longer than I expected.  As I was "resting" on the box at the bottom of my first set of 5 squats I had an epiphany.   I don`t have an mental edge, you know that aggressive, zone out everything around you, angry, competitive, I am going to kick your ass, lift it at all costs edge. Ya that one...I don't got it. 

A good example of how I know this is that on my bedside table sits "The Friday Night Knitting Club" and "LA Candy" by Lauren Conrad and on W's side is "Starting Strength" and "The Westside Barbell Method of Training" by Louie Simmons. W has the edge...just look what he reads for fun.

Its hard not to compare my self to what Simmons says about the psychological aspect of training.  He says that "A high degree of performance depends on the motivation to reach certain goals (my husband suggests that maybe I need to decide if I really want it), aggression ( I giggle when things get heavy or tough), concentration (my mind wanders to what needs to be done the rest of the day), focus (how can I be focusing on staying tight in my core, if I am driving through my heels, while driving my butt up all the while keeping my eyes on the wall) , the ability to tolerate pain and cope with anxiety or stress (my shoulders are always tight and my legs just don't go that far), the development of a winning attitude (I battle the negative self talk in my own head), and the ability to manage distractions and relax (my two month old is wailing away in his cuddle seat beside the platform and my 2 year old is across the gym getting knocked out by a bar holding 100lbs).

Without that psychological aspect I might be screwed.  So how do I get it? What do I need to do to get "there".  Jim Stee,l head Strength and Conditioning Coordinator at the University of Pennsylvania, tells a funny story about one of his work out buddies. Chris had some psych-up techniques that were really off the wall. One of these involved finding someone in the gym and secretly getting pissed off at them for no reason. He’d be getting ready to squat and say, “I hate that guy at the counter!” and I’d say, “What guy?” And he’d say, “Why is he looking at me?” I’d look over, see a few guys at the gym counter having a conversation and say, “Chris,nobody is even looking over here!” He would say, “Yes he is Jim, yes he is!” And then I would realize what he was doing, and I’d join in, “Yeah, man, I see him!” I’d say “He’s saying, I own you, man! He says he’s stronger than you!!!” And the one that would get Chris fired up the most, “He’s laughing at you!” That would make him nuts, and he would be ready to do his set. Super intense. 

My next purchase on my Kobo



What will be my psych-up technique? Should I get a hate on for someone at the gym? Will "2 Unlimited" be the right music to workout to? or maybe its my workout mate, I am starting to wonder if much like having another women be your sister wife that having your husband be your coach is not really all that ideal. Regardless of what I find out works for me I know this is not just going to be about being able to thrust 65lbs an absurd amount of times. The truth is that this is also going to be about believing in myself enough,  finding a place in my own head that allows me to think that way and getting jacked up enough to actually do it. Can I handle that truth? 

Maybe this is more my style?